something you might not know about me.....

is that i had the opportunity to act on the cartoon, "fat albert." you also probably didn't know that the cartoon used to only be called "the cosby kids." i was an up-and-coming animated actor with big dreams. this was only the beginning. i was getting offers for roles in the not yet released spiderman series, and there were even talks with jim henson about becoming the new male nanny on muppet babies. he told me i had the legs for the part and would only need some white socks with green stripes and some purple shoes. big things were happening.

i remember showing up early to the set of "the cosby kids." i was the first to arrive. we were having our first photo shoot with the majority of the cast. i was very excited to say the least. i got to the dressing room and there was a rack of clothes with a note that read "wear whatever feels right." i put on a red sweatshirt over a white collared shirt with some blue jeans. i was looking fresh to death and feeling confident. i walked out of my dressing room and down the hall, passing weird harold and dumb donald. high-5's were exchanged as weird harold stated, "e.r.c., you are looking f-r-e-s-h, that's fresh, fresh, fresh." i thanked him and continued my strut until running into albert. "e.r.c., i see you strutting. with good reason! those threads are as dope as i've seen! like the nicest gear these eyes have witnessed. like......." he went on with that until i interrupted, "hey, hey, hey," in a low voice, and then, "thanks, albert, but that's enough of that." he said, "hey, hey, hey. i like that. i like how you said that, e.r.c." i smiled and nodded, but felt weird about his overjoyed expression. as i continued walking i could hear albert borderline yelling, "hey, hey, hey," in the faces of mushmouth, bucky, and rudy as he passed. i heard rudy's reply. "hey, albert, i really like how you said that, you should say that every time you see anyone. that should be your thing." "great idea, rudy. i'm going to say that all of the time. i'm going to get right in everyone's face and i'm going to say it." he has been true to his word ever since. this didn't bug me at the time. "hey, hey, hey," didn't really fit my personality or body type. it does bug me thinking about the millions of dollars fat albert was seeing because of my idea. i wouldn't mind a slice of that, knowwhatimean?

as the morning went on i was just shooting the breeze with the cast and crew. everyone but albert was present and ready for the shoot. i had to excuse myself to the restroom for a minute or two and upon returning i found everyone surrounding albert, laughing about the "hey, hey, hey," he had recently greeted them with. they slowly moved away from him and i could not believe what i saw. albert was wearing the same clothes i was. my jaw dropped. was he serious? "hey, hey, hey, where've ya been, e.r.c.? we've been waiting for ya?" everyone was staring, and then out of nowhere rudy bumped his gums, "he went to his dressing room to jack your style, albert." this accusation caused a bit of a frenzy. i was bugging and ready to lose it on everyone, but then i remembered weird harold showing love for my outfit earlier, so i said, "you serious? i was rocking this way before albert. isn't that right, harold?" weird harold hesitated, shrugged his shoulders and didn't even try to save me. upset, i wanted to spit, cry, and vomit in no particular order, and then i felt nothing.

this explains why i'm standing expressionless in the picture. that is the look of a man who is numb. a man who has been wronged. a man who has realized that even cartoon dreams come to an end. the photographer tried to get me to jump and smile several times. that one was the best we could do. at one point i removed my red sweatshirt, and eventually my white shirt and sat on the ground bare chested and defeated. i reached the point where nothing mattered and no one could say anything that would keep my shirt on. i left before the photographer was finished, but at that point no one cared. i think there was an unspoken understanding that i wasn't coming back, and i never did.

do i regret walking away? not really. i've tried not to think about it, but i feel like talking about here has helped the very slow healing process. i won't lie, every time i watch "ghost dad" (which is often) the sight of bill cosby traveling through a phone line to put a scare in his daughter's boyfriend gets me thinking about what might have been. 1990 films were so bizarre. cartoons are bizarre. animated actors aren't as happy as they seem. they are not immune to physical and emotional pain contrary to the portrayals of every animated injury and speedy recovery. the bumps and bruises remain beneath the artistry of heartless animators. they put you through a tiny hell, but don't dare sketch pockets deep enough to hold a single penny.

now, i'm not writing this to bash on my man, albert. that was never my intention. we're different. he was able to handle the pressure of the business, and did so with such grace. i find his minisodes on youtube to be of much educational value. in the minisode, "have a heart" we learn how to perform cpr. if albert did not pay attention during cpr lessons, he would not have been able to properly perform mouth-to-mouth on ol' mudfoot. in "busted" the kids are arrested for being in a car with an unlicensed driver. they are taken to prison and learn what it's all about. i found this one to be slightly inappropriate. there is also one called "cosby's classics" where bill tells the gang some tall tales. this can be taken quite literally as he tells the story of fictional character, paul bunyan, and even more fictional character, brimstone bill. they encounter the villainous wild river, twister. they want to literally straighten out this winding river and are able to do so after brimstone handcrafts a harness for babe, the trusty blue ox. i found this one to be imaginative and thrilling.

bless bill cosby.

i have been typing this rather long post in the computer lab of the spencer w. kimball tower. i recently removed my shoes to reach a higher level of comfort and would now like to put them back on and leave. there is a woman across from me who is seated at the computer next to her husband and they are in the beginning stages of an argument about the content of the husband's paper, which the wife is proofreading. it seems as though the husband is not taking kindly to the constructive criticism of his wife, and she doesn't seem to love his reactions. the reason i share this is because the wife's feet are very much on one of my shoes. she seems to have mistaken it as part of the computer desk. i fear that retrieving the shoe from beneath her feet will only escalate an already rather heated, unhealthy verbal bout. i just made small eye contact with the wife, but enough to make me feel like she knows that i can hear them and have been listening. i feel as though this occurrence has caused her to move her legs from a stretched, to a more ready position, releasing my shoe and allowing me to make my exit in a more comfortable manner.

stay blessed and encouraged.