"and i'm one step ahead of the shoe shine, two steps away from the county line, just trying to keep my customers satisfied."

i was eating and studying in the cougareat months ago. byu was holding a dance camp at the same time. i saw an older man with white hair practicing a dance in the middle of one hundred lunch eaters. he resembled, or could have been, ted danson. upon reaching this conclusion i instantaneously thought, "ted 'dancin'' danson" in my head and loved it. i jotted it down for the sole purpose of one day posting it on this blog and spoiling my loyal readership.

he was an alright dancer, not breathtaking or anywhere near it, but i tip my hat to him. here is a man old enough to give up learning new dances, but won't. a man who surely has enough money to take private lessons in a studio somewhere, but was willing to humble himself and attend a university dance camp. not only that, he is willing to practice in front of one hundred strangers. this is a man who's work in the form of acting i'm not the most familiar with, but enough to where seeing him makes me feel weird and i feel like you kind of have to admire someone with that ability. this admiration almost led me to walk over to mr. danson, place my hands on his shoulders, look him in the eyes, and say,

"edward, i must say your presence on this campus comes as a great surprise, but while you're here maybe we can figure something out. there's something about you that gives me the willies, but i can't quite put my finger on it. that's not fair, because most any television and film i watched in the late 80s - early 90s gave me the willies. i felt weird about 'cheers' and obviously associated those feelings with its spin off, 'frasier.' i will say i loved your work in '3 men and a baby,' as well as '3 men and a little lady.' what was that like working with both selleck and guttenberg? did you guys get pretty close? if my observations are correct, according to the '3 men and a baby' movie poster, steve and tom seemed to be pretty close, but the '3 men and a little lady' poster tells a different story. i completely understand that people change and as a response, friendships and relationships also change. i guess what i'm trying to say is congratulations on winning over selleck in the end. i know it's not easy. i also wanted to know if your obviously fake ponytail in 'getting even with dad' was your idea? also, when nbc aired 'gulliver's travels' i feel like i should have been more excited than creeped out, why wasn't i? a few more things. although i've never seen 'becker,' i assume that it's pretty bad. i can almost pinpoint that the gross feeling i get when i think about 'becker' stem from it being a new cbs fall sitcom that received a lot of buzz, but marked the end of summer and the beginning of a new school year. relating to that show, in high school, one of my friend's grandma either hated or loved you and that show. my memory fails me, but either way her feelings were strong. ted, i gotta run, but you are the owner of a lot of money and that is something i may never be able to say about myself. oh, and i've always loved your hair, so that couldn't be the reason for willies."

this story's only about two facts from being nonfiction. first, i never met ted. second, i wouldn't have said all of this to him.

suppose i had really crossed paths with mr. danson. i'd probably say something more along the lines of, "congratulations on all of the success you saw during the '80s and '90s." a response that is honest, but hides so many other thoughts underneath. a general statement that is neither here nor there. enough to make a hollywood has-been seeking validation for his career to go insane.

if i were to really, really meet him, i would probably just offer a fist bump and smile and walk on by, which says "i recognize who you are and wanted to congratulate you on all of the success you saw during the '80s and '90s, but you don't want to hear what i really have to say."

ted would understand. ted would go back and forth in his head asking himself whether or not he really wanted to hear what i had to say. ted would make his decision. ted would want to hear it. ted would want to hear it all. ted would offer me an invitation to make this story a reality. ted knew in just eleven words he would stop me dead in my tracks. and so ted did:

"but what did you think of '3 men and a baby'...?"

i moved to new york city to see what it smells like. these are scenes from central park. i don't look forward to the day when 9 steps become a task. when my memory is shot. when i think everyone and everything is moving too fast.

i do look forward to going to the park with 1-2 friends of my same age and telling stories loosely based on truth. talking about how things move too fast. about how 9 steps is a big deal. i hope one of those friends is female. maybe she calls me sugarbear. maybe we met along time ago, married, and are getting ready for a peaceful exit. maybe she hates when i talk sports with the other friend. talking about how the suns won back-to-back championships at the end of steve nash's career. how the second one was easy with the lebron signing. how amare selflessly agreed to a smaller contract to make this happen. how the suns went on to win 5 straight after nash retired with rubio at point. how they were the greatest team to ever play the game.