it's been over a week since lebron made his big decision, announcing that he will be playing for the miami heat. there was report after report full of speculation leading up to the decision and an equal amount of backlash the following morning. playing a major role in the decision making process, i will now give you parts of the full story.
DG: @#$#@%$^%&ˆ¨¥†¨ˆ¥†ˆ∂∆
ERC: haha...so you heard about lebron's confusion earlier?
DG: ª•º– ªº• ºª•˚¬…∆åß∂Ϫ•¶ºª§¶•∞§§¶∞¢™∞¶§£ª™•¶¢§ª•¶§£™¢ª•¶§£™¢ª¶ª§∆
(WHAT?! HE THINKS HE HAS A BETTER CHANCE WINNING IN THE WEST?!)
ERC: take it easy, man. the answer to that last question is yes. he has a better chance winning anywhere outside of cleveland. but he's not even going to phoenix; he's going to the MIAMI heat.
DG: ¢£∞ª•(*&)(&)(*&∆∆∆
ERC: sorry for delayed responses, but it takes a minute to read messages written in webdings. i don't think it's a good idea to burn his house down or joke about it. maybe you could just write a letter to cleveland in the heat of the moment when you're not thinking straight. (i should have included a smiley at the end of this one).
(10 minutes later)
DG: (%&^∆∆∆
and that's how the cookie crumbled.
and now, the tricky part: getting me signed by miami. lebron was able to set up a meeting with miami heat president, pat riley, right when we got to miami last thursday night. i'll be honest, i was intimidated by the man. the intimidation was based on appearance alone, but the guy's talk's as slick as his hair and he had me sold within the first 3 minutes of our conversation. it went something like this: "now, a lot of people aren't liking what we've done here. we have become the villains, but that's okay. we are the villains that will win at least 3 championships in the next five years, and do so with the most exciting brand of basketball ever. the only thing that could ruin this is if bosh decides to wear his hair like a woman again," said pat riley.
"haha," i laughed.
"now, what about you? in 20 words or less, why do you want to be part of the miami heat organization?"
pat riley nodded in approval after every word. in response pat said, "the people of miami are more proud of those two slam dunk competition trophies than winning the 2006 nba championship. i like you, kid. here's what i'm going to do: i'm going to give you a $30 stipend every game for food and travel and i will allow you to sit on the bench, but there's one condition."
"what's that?"
"i want you to start slicking that hair back, son."
"and you, mine."
"haha," laughed pat riley.
concerning lebron's decision, it's amazing how fast it all changed. for every 20 stories about how he gave up on cleveland, those same writers were ready to write 20 puff pieces praising lebron's loyalty if he was staying in cleveland. every jordan comparison will be dropped and that's fine, because lebron never wanted to be compared to anyone, he wants everyone to be compared to him.
to mo williams and the rest of lebron's former teammates, i'm sorry. that has to hurt your feel-goods to have every sportswriter say time and time again that lebron had one of the worst supporting casts.
the real question that pops out from this nba off-season is who signed the better three, miami (lebron james, dwyane wade, chris bosh) or phoenix (hedo turkoglu, josh childress, hakim warrick)? tough one. i guess we'll find out in the 2011 nba finals.
most of you probably know that i'm good friends with lebron. i'm a few days older than him, so he often comes to me for advice. his recent decision to join our friends, dwyane wade and chris bosh, came as no surprise to me since i had been his number one advisor throughout. the most comical part about the whole thing is lebron originally thought "heat" was a nickname for the phoenix suns. he thought that dwyane wade was actually leandro barbosa, and that chris bosh was actually channing frye. i didn't realize this until a text conversation i had with him four hours prior to his one-hour special on espn:
'Bron: CAN'T BELIEVE I'MA BE ON THE HEAT!!!
ERC: ah man, can't wait to celebrate with the 2011 champs!
'Bron: LOL! MAN, IT'S GONNA BE CRAZY RIGHT? I CAN'T BELIEVE ME, DWYANE, CHRIS ARE GOING TO BE PLAYING TOGETHER!!! HAVING STEVE NASH RUN POINT, AND HAVING JRICH COMING OFF THE BENCH IS JUST THE CHERRY ON TOP!!!
ERC: man, that's funny. it will be good to have dwight howard protecting the rim as well :) (i had to start putting smileys at the end of texts, because lebron has a terrible time detecting sarcasm in its unspoken form. this actually got us into trouble a few days ago when i texted him "you should hold an hour long special on espn where you announce where you'll be playing next year." he responded with, "THAT'D BE TIGHT!!! WHERE SHOULD IT BE AND WHO SHOULD INTERVIEW ME?" i quickly responded with "a city with so much money and jim gray," (i thought this would let him know i was joking).
'Bron: whoa, erc, i don't think heat have enough dollars to sign dwight. that was random.
(the lack of caps lock was cause for concern and i knew he wasn't joking about playing with steve nash at this point).
ERC: yeah, they don't. i don't know what i was thinking. you think the heat have enough money to sign both steve nash and jrich? they're going to have to play for very little money.
'Bron: what? they're locked in for at least next season
ERC: yeah, with the suns.
'Bron: i know, why you playin, erc?
ERC: wait, you know the suns and heat are different teams, right?
'Bron: WAIT WHAT?! :/
ERC: oh no, you look confused! you thought heat was just a nickname for the suns, huh? because the sun gives off heat?
'Bron: :(
when i realized that his first choice was the phoenix suns i was saddened, because to get nash a ring would have been a good thing. lebron's confusion also explains why he wasn't smiling much when he announced that he'd be heading to south beach to play with the miami heat.
after the show, lebron asked me if i could shoot cleveland cavs owner, dan gilbert, a text seeing if he watched and knew he was leaving. here's how that went:
ERC: hey, dan. i don't know if you know already, but lebron's going to be signing with the heat.
DG: @#$#@%$^%&ˆ¨¥†¨ˆ¥†ˆ∂∆
(for whatever reason, dan gilbert uses the webdings font when texting. the decoded message is, "WHAT? WHY IS HE SIGNING WITH PHOENIX?!")
ERC: haha...so you heard about lebron's confusion earlier?
DG: ª•º– ªº• ºª•˚¬…∆åß∂Ϫ•¶ºª§¶•∞§§¶∞¢™∞¶§£ª™•¶¢§ª•¶§£™¢ª•¶§£™¢ª¶ª§∆
(WHAT?! HE THINKS HE HAS A BETTER CHANCE WINNING IN THE WEST?!)
ERC: take it easy, man. the answer to that last question is yes. he has a better chance winning anywhere outside of cleveland. but he's not even going to phoenix; he's going to the MIAMI heat.
DG: ¢£∞ª•(*&)(&)(*&∆∆∆
(I'M GOING TO BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!!!)
ERC: sorry for delayed responses, but it takes a minute to read messages written in webdings. i don't think it's a good idea to burn his house down or joke about it. maybe you could just write a letter to cleveland in the heat of the moment when you're not thinking straight. (i should have included a smiley at the end of this one).
(10 minutes later)
DG: (%&^∆∆∆
and that's how the cookie crumbled.
and now, the tricky part: getting me signed by miami. lebron was able to set up a meeting with miami heat president, pat riley, right when we got to miami last thursday night. i'll be honest, i was intimidated by the man. the intimidation was based on appearance alone, but the guy's talk's as slick as his hair and he had me sold within the first 3 minutes of our conversation. it went something like this: "now, a lot of people aren't liking what we've done here. we have become the villains, but that's okay. we are the villains that will win at least 3 championships in the next five years, and do so with the most exciting brand of basketball ever. the only thing that could ruin this is if bosh decides to wear his hair like a woman again," said pat riley.
"haha," i laughed.
"now, what about you? in 20 words or less, why do you want to be part of the miami heat organization?"
without any hesitation, i spoke from the heart: "rony seikaly, bimbo coles, 2-time slam dunk champion, harold 'baby jordan' miner, alec kessler, sherman douglas, glen rice's flat top."
pat riley nodded in approval after every word. in response pat said, "the people of miami are more proud of those two slam dunk competition trophies than winning the 2006 nba championship. i like you, kid. here's what i'm going to do: i'm going to give you a $30 stipend every game for food and travel and i will allow you to sit on the bench, but there's one condition."
"what's that?"
"i want you to start slicking that hair back, son."
i immediately pulled out a comb, poured a glass of water over my head, and began to slick my hair back. pat laughed and said, "one day you're going to be sitting in my seat."
"and you, mine."
"haha," laughed pat riley.
and that was that. he sweetened the deal by letting me know that the $30 would not be taxed. great to be onboard, but this obviously won't be enough money for housing. to remedy this i will have my own seven-part reality series on "animal planet" called, "bienvenido a miami." we were able to swing this by purchasing two pet parakeets. throughout the series i will visit the homes of james, wade, and bosh to decide who i want to bunk with. episodes will include cameos from the nba's favorite knuckleheads, lamar odom and ron artest. the three of us will have a book club as well as play multiple games of "sorry" with a running tally of how many we've each won. first one to 11 wins gets to keep the parakeets.
concerning lebron's decision, it's amazing how fast it all changed. for every 20 stories about how he gave up on cleveland, those same writers were ready to write 20 puff pieces praising lebron's loyalty if he was staying in cleveland. every jordan comparison will be dropped and that's fine, because lebron never wanted to be compared to anyone, he wants everyone to be compared to him.
to mo williams and the rest of lebron's former teammates, i'm sorry. that has to hurt your feel-goods to have every sportswriter say time and time again that lebron had one of the worst supporting casts.
the real question that pops out from this nba off-season is who signed the better three, miami (lebron james, dwyane wade, chris bosh) or phoenix (hedo turkoglu, josh childress, hakim warrick)? tough one. i guess we'll find out in the 2011 nba finals.
if the miami heat have truly become the villains of the nba, i just hope in two or three seasons kevin durant becomes the hero. those could be some exciting championship battles.
these are pictures:
lebron talking to jim gray. me watching.
lebron letting miami know the wolfpac is most definitely in the house, and me approving of the night's event and the energy of the crowd.
the gang being interviewed by espn. the video is paused after chris bosh was asked why he and lebron were wearing the same jacket. there was a short silence, and you can see me beginning to answer for him.
"Don't get me wrong, Chi-town got it goin' on
An New York is the city that we know don't sleep
An we all know that L.A. and Philly stay jiggy
But on the sneak, Miami bringin' heat for real."
4 comments:
Wow, that has to be one of my favorite posts that you have written. Well done little bro! That was fabulous!
Lebron's a lucky man to have you by his side.
I'm lovin' the JGL hair. You were so inspired by Inception. You did a lot of talking about things that I don't understand so I didn't read too much of it. But well done.
that was incredible. bron is a lucky man.
Yo, Eric, this is Skittles/Lamar Odom. Imma getting those birds.
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