ain't no future in your frontin'.

junior seau of the new england patriots and deron williams of the utah jazz hate sideburns. absolutely hate them. if there is any trace of their burns on their heads they become weak and are unable to perform to the best of their abilities. i can just hear/see junior throw a fit or chuck a spaz as the barber asks if he wants him to leave anything on the sides. mr. seau would look up appalled at the barber for even thinking such a thought, not only thinking it, but vocalizing such nonsense and say, "how dare you." do we know where this extreme hatred for sideburns stems from? do we know why they love to keep their hair so high, so tight? no, but i will guess. my guess is that junior seau was robbed at gunpoint by 3 elvis impersonators as they shouted multiple insults about his mother who they had never met. anyone close to junior knows that this upset him. they also know he shaved his sideburns that night, never to see them again. he continues to do so every night, so no one will ever even come close to mistaking him for a supporter of anything elvis. another guess is that he never could grow solid burns and never wanted anyone to know. either way, i understand. my guess for deron williams reasoning is not as complicated. he is simply a really big fan of junior seau and the only way to share his abhorrence of sideburns is never letting anyone see them on his head or near his face. i bet deron was so geeked when his mom finally let him do away with sideburns forever. these are only guesses, but are there really any other explanations for such a mind blowing hairdo? doubt it.